My Belly Hurts

Ok...my root beer taste testing days are officially behind me. Now it's back to trying a new one every now and then. So here's the final word on my root beer drinking game.

We baited two more people into our test-o-rama over the weekend. In order to protect their identities, let's call them Jesper and Betsy. Don't they sound like nice people? Jesper is a good golfing buddy of mine. Betsy is the mother of his children...that's a joke Betsy, we know you are so much more than that. You also do his laundry, not to mention scrubbing his floors on your hands and knees. But let's get back to the root beer.

These 2 jumped right in with the round 1 taste test. Betsy liked A&W, Mug, and Big K. Jesper also ranked A&W #1 followed by Barqs and Mug.

So for the finals we had 9 contenders. We were each testing on an empty stomach at the start, getting hungrier by the minute. I admit, however, that by the end of the test it sounded like the bubbles scene from Willy Wonka. You know the one where they are flying up to the fan and have to burp to get back down to the ground. That's how my stomach felt...and pretty much how the rest of me sounded.

Without boring you with further details, here is my statistical analysis of the results of the final test.

Now before I get to the results, let me just say that after conducting these experiments, I have concluded that root beer falls into 1 of 3 categories:

1. Frosty mug tasting creamy types
2. Root beer with added specialty flavors to change it up a bit
3. Beverages that should be removed by the FDA

I prefer those that fall into category 1. Now for the results. In a complicated mathematical analysis I conducted using algorithmic permutations and combinations of trigonometrical effervescence's, combined with a patented probability ratio derived from a sampling of scores in my golf handicapping system..I naturally reached the following conclusion based on the preferences of the testers in question. After smoothing the data for outliers as well as out right liars, the scoring is (lower score=better, 1 being best possible and 9 being worst possible):

1. Stewarts 2.0 (one 1st place vote) very good classic frosty root beer
2. A&W 3.5 (one first place vote) "has that frosty mug taste"
3. Sprecher 3.5 Wisconsin Honey and Vanilla
4. Happy Valley Old Fashioned 3.5 (one questionable 1st place vote)
5. Henry Weinhards 4.5 Vanilla
6. Rat Bass-Turd 6.0 (they spell it differently, I spell it like it tastes) Molasses, Jasmine, Clove and a large list of herbal blends
7. Virgil's 6.5 (one very lonely first place vote) Licorice, Clove
8. Boylan 6.5 Sweet Birch, Cinnamon, Sassafras
9. Natural Brew 9.0 (three #9 last place votes and one #8) Cane Juice, Licorice Root, Sarsaparilla

For me, I'll drink any of the top 3 anytime (or #5)...the rest will never see the inside of my refrigerator again. Let me know if you have a favorite I should pick up and try. Sioux City is next on my list to sample and I need to find a bottle of Hires.